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Category Archives: Woman2man

for the egoMANaical beings

What’s in a Length?

Men can be just plain dumb!

No apologies.

They are dumber when it comes to issues that has to do with their manhood *read sex and allied affairs* I’m yet to meet a guy who isn’t the best in bed or who doesn’t make his woman feel like a w-o-m-a-n *smiles* Men always feel a need to brag about their penis length and libidos as if 10 inches makes them any more a man than 4 inches!

Quick question though, if all men are busy making their women so happy, why are there so many women in relationships who are so unhappy about their sex life?

Stella has been unhappy for a while, her husband Timothy -she swears he is a full nine inches- has not been keeping her happy. They do it often enough- about 3 times a week- and she comes each time, officially! *winks* Unofficially, she doesn’t. Stella has over the years mastered the art of fake orgasms, complete with nail digging and throwing around dirty words.

Just the previous week, Timothy had boasted how he was having the time of his life in his marriage these days. Truth is Stella was seeing another guy and fantasizes about him while making poor Timothy feel he is the man!

I am in no way saying Stella is right, but if you guys ever bothered to ask for a checklist and write down in descending of what really keeps a woman happy in a relationship, you would find that the size of your peepees may come way down in the list of most women. *here’s a list you may want to check out aspirenow.com/smooth_03_01_what_women_want.htm * In fact, you may discover that the women who are constantly harping on penis size are essentially virgins who are just following a stereotype that the media has set down for them!

This is not to say women do not enjoy sex. But this hardly has to do with penis length. In fact a recent study of 50 women showed that 45 were more interested in penis width than the length *You can find the study here biomedcentral.com/1472-6874/1/1* A woman’s enjoyment of sex is often more psychological than physical which is why women are more likely to be in love with the object of their sexual desire.

It takes the average woman 12 to 14 minutes to reach an orgasm while it takes a man 2-3 minutes. The question is 12 minutes from when? Answer: from when she is sexually stimulated. Of course for some women it is shorter and for other women it is way longer. So if you guys could just quit being selfish and pay more attention, we could actually set the clock from foreplay and just when she’s ready you can get your 2 minutes of fame!

So instead of spending so much time celebrating your manhood and boasting about how that orgasm is too real to be faked, take out time and learn something about what really makes your woman happy and how you can make her wake up with the glow the next day and tell you sincerely ‘you rock my world’!

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Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Woman2man

 

The Math of BreadWinning

Nnenna earns her salary in dollars, wears fancy designer clothes and dines in the most expensive restaurants. She’ll be 40 this year and in spite of her trim figure and baby face-which could make her pass for 25- she is still unmarried. She spent the entire Sunday afternoon lamenting how in the past year no guy has stopped to ask her if she is in the business of, as she said in Igbo ‘ma nnae go e go ka nna posa a posa’ roughly translated ‘whether she is already shopping or just opening shop’! I passed her the tissue.

Nnenna is beautiful, intelligent, earns top dollar and is very single all because men find her intimidating. The guy she dated fresh out of the university suddenly broke up with her after she got a promotion that put her above salarywise. All other guys that she’s dated seem to be more interested in driving around her L4 than in talking marriage.

There seems to be something about a woman with power that sends men scurrying away in fright. This is perhaps not unconnected with the believe, in our patriarchal society, that men are supposed to provide for their women. Its just surprising though that these same men who are so intent at being breadwinners do not care much about the emotional well being of their partners! *That is subject for another blogpost*

Men want to be in control. And in their math of bread-winning, the theory is that he who earns more is automatically in charge. Therefore, a woman who earns more will start acting like the man, will lack respect and be more arrogant! Hmm.

Would we blame them though? Some women do make men feel like a broke guy is a broken guy. Like Kunbi. Kunbi has never earned a kobo more than her husband both before and after marriage. But there was this time that her husband lost his job! According to her, he would come home early, never raise a voice against and was generally loving and understanding. She took full advantage, subjecting him to the worst of treatments and showing him what a ‘man’ she can be!

Men and their fragile egos can not seem to handle ladies like my dear Nnenna but will end up marrying Tigresses like Kunbi who would take advantage of their time of weakness. When would men come to the realisation that the true judge of a woman’s character is not the strength of her bank account? When will men stop creating and believing the stereotypes they create? But really, why should it matter who earns more if we’re pooling our resources and playing on the same team? But alas this is not always the case!

Until men…and sometimes women, get over the what’s-mine-is-mine-and-what’s-yours-is-ours-attitude, the size of a woman’s take-home will continue to affect her opportunities at marriage! Until then, ladies like Nnenna would have to lie about what they earn or down play their economic status so that equation for bread-winning is not disproved!

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Woman2man

 

Down the Kitchen Drain

How many phrases do you know that has ‘man’ in it? ‘Man enough’, ‘a man’s man’, ‘a man of his own’, ‘a man to man’… You could add a few more to the list. All these phrases seem to add up to the saying, ‘ it’s a man’s world’. But then, it’s also a crazy world. So, following the principles of logical reasoning, men are crazy, right? The things men do…

I had a girlfriend called Cindy. She had it all -beauty, brains and she was at the top. We met on the job. She was a wonderful TV presenter. She had personality and literally millions stayed glued to their TV sets when she presented her daytime TV show. Then she met Mike.

Mike!

Nice guy. Well paying job. Sleek car. The man! They fell in love and Cindy’s life came crashing down.

Sure, they got married but Cindy had to say ‘bye’ to the tube…One brain down the kitchen drain!

I keep asking myself : Would Cindy have given up her job if she had a choice? But then again, do women have a choice?
Yes!!! Scream the new breed
No!!! Scream the fundamentalists. ‘A woman’s place is the bedroom and the kitchen’.

Okay.

Well guys, consider this a red alert. You are busy screaming on the rooftops: massive brain drain, think Nigera, proudly Nigeria, while you return to your homes and send the best down the kitchen drain.

You guys seem to think, it’s all about the money. But that is not always the case. Some women work because they feel they have something to contribute to humanity. A woman’s brain may actually turn out to be ‘the brain’ we are seeking to make Nigeria a better place. So, each time you pull a woman off the work force and into the kitchen, rest assured, that is yet another brain down the kitchen drain

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2012 in Woman2man

 

The Care Factor

‘Is my food ready?’

‘Clean my shoes for me.’

‘Is the water for my bath ready?’

‘Why are my clothes not washed?’

‘Have you ironed my shirt?’

‘Help me find one leg of my socks!’

‘I can’t find my tie!’

If you are a female in a marriage/live-in relationship reading this, you can probably pin these questions on your other half or ‘better’ half. The men in our lives…Don’t you just adore them!

Yes, adore…like babies – because they do need the ‘attention’ that you should reserve for helpless babies, who cry (read whine) for everything and anything and demand so much of your time and energy and unlike our babies, hardly give anything back.

Just last week, my neighbour’s husband was having a hard time keeping his voice down. The reason? Oh well, his wife, in addition to being a full time worker, full time home-keeper, full time wife, full time mother of four kids aged 2 to 10 and part time student, had somehow neglected a large part of her being human by not taking time to iron his shirt. Imagine! And she had the audacity to tell him she was occupied? What in heavens name was she occupied doing?

This guy with two arms and two legs, blessed with mobility, could not move his hands and legs to get his clothes ironed because he had a wife. It’s her job! Do you want him to be called a ‘woman-wrapper’ (read a derogatory term for a man who helps out his wife at home)

In many parts of Africa, it is traditionally believed that a man has no business in the kitchen or helping out with domestic chores (except of course it involves making babies). The home is the woman’s domain and keeping it running is her primary responsibility. The man goes to work and brings back food to the home.

That was then.

Today, traditional roles are being redefined and reversed but sadly, some men are refusing to move on. They seem trapped in some time web, where everything around them is allowed to move but they are not. For instance, the same man who wants to maintain a traditional outlook to his home has no qualms with his wife holding down a full time job to support the family. So what happened to supporting her?

And how, of I may ask did he survive when he was single? How did his clothes get ironed? How did his food get prepared? How did he find his socks? Who put his bath water in the bathroom? Who cut his fingernails? Who kept his tie? Who did the dishes? For some men, a relationship is just an excuse to hide their laziness and incompetence.

While some women are happy to put up with such tomfoolery at the early stages of the ‘rush’ of marriage or a live-in relationship (and some for life), men need to realise that at a point in a woman’s life she just can not cope without help-emotional and physical. While she can solve the physical by hiring a maid-with extra cost to the family, she can not ‘hire’ emotional help – except you want her to dial-a-gigolo. Your encouragement will go a long way to helping her cope with the ‘stresses’ she has to go through.

Do you stop to ask her a genuine: how are you? How was your day? Are you hungry? Can I help?  Remember, this is the woman you married; the one you converted to be your all the one that probably will be there for you when the world turns its back on you. Have you stopped to ask yourself in recent times: Who cares for her? 

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Woman2man

 

‘Jello’ Syndrome

There’s a certain air that greets the ‘christmas seaon’ in Nigeria…In the west its usually not-cool -not harsh-I-really-cant-put-a-finger -to-it-feeling but its there all the same. I can feel it now. I call it a just before harmattan season characterised by… well… indescribable and it gives me a feeling of…deja vu
February 14, 2007
I sat in a restaurant with a client. Shania Twain sang ‘You’re still the one’ with the usual gusto. Seated directly in front of me were two lovebirds- typical of the ‘air’- lost to the world around them . I tried to look away… I was supposed to be having a business meeting with a male client. Did I hear you say hmmm? I had no problems with that… I was a self assured thirty something year old female exec… there was no way a date on the calendar was going to affect my performance on the job.
I directed the client’s attention to a sample I had with me. ‘Our production will be much better than this, we have the quality and the hands to do it’… I looked up. The eyes mentally undressing me did not have business on its mind… He was having a ‘jello’ seizure… a major characteristic of the weak.

Flashback
Feb 14… 1986
I had just turned 13. If you were 13 in 1986, you would know that you were at an age when you pretended you didn’t know what was celebrated on February 14. Even in 1986, I didn’t need a guy for Valentines Day… I went to the library like a good girl to borrow a good book and sitting on the shelf was a book I just could not resist. It was titled, ‘My Funny Valentine.’

Just in case you haven’t read the book, the paperback was about a young lady who was so pressured to have a Valentine that she went ahead and invented one… The girl in the story believed that girls had brains made of jelly that is why they literally melt when they see ‘cute’ guys and go all ‘soppy soppy’. I agreed with her.

Some two decades later… I don’t. My theory- and it has often been proved- is that as they get older, men are more prone to the ‘jello’ syndrome. That’s right…especially the tough looking ones. They all have a mighty ‘jello spot’. Somewhere close to their medulla oblongata (oops) Men get the ‘jello’ attack so often that they’ve christened it a man thing: ‘You mean you let her walk away, are you not a man?’ Give me a break!
Having problems with my theory…try answering these questions:
1. If a sexually active 70 year old man should loose his wife after 50 years of marriage, what is he likely to do if he survives the next two or three years?
2. If he chooses to remarry would he be looking for a fifty something year old widow?
3. If an irresistibly pretty belle walked past a guy on the streets, what is he likely to do?
4. If a guy ends up at the restaurant with a lady for whatever reason on Valentine’s Day, what is likely to happen?

Now guys, straight and truthful answers. In case you are still wondering, the likely answers are: remarry, no, ogle and chat her up… in that order.
My conclusion: men are weaker than the weaker sex
So what happened last Valentine’s Day?

Did you make the ‘hit’ on the first lady that came your way pledging undying love and all what not’s because your hormones were working overtime and the mood was right? And did you wake up the next day feeling ‘there’s no way I’m going to see her again!’ when she smiled at you from the other end of the office and did you proceed to rally your friends to ‘discharge’ her the next time she even attempted to talk to you?

Sounds juvenile doesn’t it? That’s the point… The older a man gets, the more juvenile he becomes.

Wouldn’t it have been better and emotionally safer to both parties if you had just produced a pack of condoms and ask for a one-nighter?

Now tell me who is the weaker sex?
Positively, men are weak.
Comparatively, men are weaker.
Superlatively, men are the weaker sex.
And if you don’t agree with me, try looking it from a woman’s point of view.

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2007 in Woman2man