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Category Archives: Sex and Marriage

snippets from a decade of experience *sigh*

Wife Material

Wife material
Is raw material
You must research and gather
Then sieve as you garner
Then surely you’ll find
The one that’s one of a kind
That costs less to maintain
Who your home will maintain

Wife material
Is clothing material
That the quality
Is better than quantity
If you buy a piece that washes
Loses colour after two washes
You’d have yourself to blame
Excuses would be lame.

Wife material
Is building material
If you build the wrong foundation
Whate’er may be your notion
Bad weather and she’ll crumble
Be it a gale or thunder rumble
In patience she will not wait
Look! She’s there at the gate

Wife material
Is executive material
Moves you in the right direction
Takes decisions in sober reflection
Knows who to hire
And who to retire
Beauty and brains combined
With you forever aligned

Wife material
Is not radioactive material
She does not seek to end your life
She does not emit harmful strife
To you a blessing
Learn this lesson
Do not be deceived by packaging
Test and be sure of beauty ravaging

He who has found a good wife, has found a good thing.

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Posted by on September 5, 2012 in Poetry, Sex and Marriage

 

When Love Becomes Complicated.

Christy has been shortchanged in her marriage. She married Ebube straight out of secondary school. Not that her friends didn’t warn her that she was making the wrong move. But Christy was in love with Ebube, he represented to her everything she didn’t see in her father’s relationship with her mother. Ebube was kind, affectionate and practically worshiped the floor she walked on. All he ever asked back from her was that she should love him back the way he did and always be faithful. That wasn’t going to be hard at all. Ebube worked in an oil company and was ready to give her everything she wanted. Why would she ever think of infidelity? Besides, he had promised that she could finish her education right from his house. What else can a girl ask for?

Fifteen years has passed. Christy now holds a degree in Mass Communication, two kids and a husband she loathes. Even before the euphoria of the honeymoon passed, Christy had felt the weight of Ebube’s fury as she endured beatings for things she often didn’t know anything about. Ebube was constantly on her case, monitoring her every move. Sometimes, he would cease her phone and keep it for the whole day, taking all the calls. If he sensed any foul play which he frequently did, Christy bore the brunt.

Ebube wanted Christy all to himself, literally, so she kept no friends neither was she allowed to work. She was never involved in the decision making process in the house, as Ebube often told her she didn’t have the intellectual capacity to make decisions. Worse still Christy couldn’t complain to her family as they were all blinded by Chris’ generosity and niceties when they were outside the house.

On the 15th year of their marriage, Ebube suffered a major setback as he lost his job. His savings quickly depleted and the kids were on the verge of being thrown out of school. It was at this point that Ebube allowed his wife to take a job.

Christy got a job in client services of an advertising agency. She was very efficient and soon her Executive Director saw the potentials in her and decided to send her on a course that would lead to her heading the department. It was on this course that she met Henry.

Henry was a perfect gentleman. When he first met Christy, he was attracted to her. He was just surviving a heart break and wasn’t exactly looking for ‘rebound guy’. He was more attracted to her intellect and her drive. Throughout the six weeks the training lasted, they shared ideas and worked together on various group projects and then just before they parted, on social night, Henry found that he was in love with Christy.

On her own part, Christy saw Henry’s company as a welcome development. Here was a man who saw her as human. Who genuinely enjoyed her company and who even took time to ask her what she wanted. He believed she had a functioning intellect! Christy fell in love with Henry.

Henry knew Christy was married. And for this reason he fought his feelings for her, but it was like the more he fought, the more he liked her. Three months later, he eventually revealed his feelings to her. Christy admitted fighting the same feelings to no avail. They were both in a complicated love affair.

What should Henry and Christy do?

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 27, 2012 in General, Relationships, Sex and Marriage

 

Variety in One!

Just recently, a friend asked me if married people ever got tired of sex. What he meant was whether married people ever got bored with their sex lives. I was tempted to ask him if people ever got tired of eating. When you really think of it, in many ways sex is like food. Hasn’t an excuse men give for cheating been that you can’t eat one type of soup daily and not get bored?

Indeed, sex can get boring and loose its taste in marriage. A quick fix would be to go out and find “another type of soup”. However, like all quick fixes this has a downside. How many restaurants would you have to visit with on this journey of finding different soup? And with the various STD’s floating around, you just might eat something you weren’t exactly looking for. But think of this, what if it was possible for you to eat this various types of ‘soup’ and yet you can find this soup in one place? Imagine if you can have a restaurant that serves all dishes including the exotic and the intercontinental, wouldn’t that be something you would be interested in? Aha! Did that catch your interest? Then let us talk about how you can build this restaurant and get served these exquisite dishes in the comfort of your home.

The first part of restaurateurs business is getting customers to come into the restaurant. This post will not however be dedicated to getting the customer in. I want to believe that if you are married you have already done that part. We shall be focusing on the other part, the harder part if you may, which involves keeping your customer coming back.

Have you ever heard the phrase the customer is king? If you want to become a successful restaurateur, a key element is to always remember that. Do you make your partner feel like a king (queen) when you are together? Do you find innovative ways of doing that each time? Let us look at a scenario: if you are the man in the relationship and you always take the lead when it comes to sex, can you let your spouse be king by doing what they want. Do you know what your partner’s sexual fantasy is? Have you ever played it out? Why not find out today and make him king? The key here is to try out their fantasy, you may not like it eventually, but the fact that you were willing to give it try goes a long way.

I will tell you about my friend, we’ll call her Debbie. Now Debbie’s husband likes to be given BJ’s. The little snag is that Debbie hates giving heads. The thought of putting a penis in her mouth is a total turn off. Sexual incompatibility right? Well there were two solutions: The quick fix would be that the husband finds someone willing and able to give BJ’s. The other would be that Debbie compromises and does this one for him. We found a solution. Debbie’s main problem was the taste of the sperm and so we found something to masquerade that taste. Enter Honey, stage left. By coating the husband in honey, Debbie was able to fulfil this task without it leaving a sour taste in her mouth.

Another thing a restaurateur knows is how to come up with “specials”. They have house specials and they keep changing this daily. Do you have a daily special? Or is it the same old same old each time? Do you go out of your way to learn how to create a ‘special’? Make no mistake, a restaurateur will travel wide and scour family recipes to find that something that would make the meal really special, it could be a spice; it could be how the meal is prepared. The important thing is that he finds a way of making it special. Now when was the last time you found out about sexual positions? Have you ever researched on how to make that style your partner loves so much even more exciting by adding a special ‘spice’? Have you researched on what else can contribute to the joy of that meal aside from the meal itself? Does your bedroom look like a place someone should be getting some? Do you invest in scents that act as aphrodisiacs?

Tony and Bunmi were two special people. Their courtship didn’t last that long, just about a year, but you could see the chemistry between them. They were hardly able to keep their hands away from each other. Just a year after their marriage Bunmi had their first baby: a wonderful bundle of joy. Within the next three years she had two more and her sexual vibrancy died as the babies came alive. Tony was quick to grow resentful of the babies thinking his wives change was because of them. Now does he go for the quick fix? The problem really was that Bunmi, like most other women, saw sex as an emotional thing. Sex did not start with getting into bed. It starts with what happened during the day, the scents, and the sights. Presently, the home smelled like babies and diapers. Tony took time out to find a special scent that doubles as a turn on and suddenly Bunmi came back.

Where would a restaurant be if they didn’t offer impeccable service? I’ll tell you where: they’ll be going down! What makes for impeccable service? Common courtesies, a clean environment, speed of service all play a huge role. Let us talk about a clean environment. My mother-in-law, euphemistically refers to a woman’s genitals as her workshop. When I married my husband, she came in to give me lessons on cleaning my workshop-I was almost 30. The fact is, many ladies out there need lessons on how to keep the tool of their business clean. Do you wash the area regularly with soap and water? Do you apply perfume to keep it smelling nice? Do you invest in sexy underwear? Do you wash your underwear? Do you iron them? Do you know what colours turn him on? Do you surprise him sometimes by going without?

A friend of mine told me about a trick she used when she sensed her husband was loosing interest. She wore a night dress that reached just below her hips and walked up to him where he was reading a newspaper on the sofa. She passed by him a couple of times and he didn’t take note of her. So she walked over to the dining table and picked a bunch of keys and when she was right in front of him she dropped the key noisily causing him to look up and then she bent over, hips right in front of his eyes and picked the key. She had decided to go without!

A good restaurant also knows how to give the customer more than they bargained for. This helps keep the business of visiting the restaurant fresh. Again I ask: how many sexual styles do you know? Can you identify the following: butterfly, doggy, missionary, cowgirl, spoons, standing, rick saw, happy landing, stick shift, ying yang, three o’clock appointment, slinky, rock a thigh baby, private lap dance, stand at erection? If you can’t identify at least 7 then you do need to do some serious research!

Guys remember, finding out about sex is not just the woman’s job, although it makes it a whole lot more fun and exciting if she does more than just lie there and let you do your thing. If you do not want your woman straying off, it would be a good idea to keep dating her after marriage. That way, she wouldn’t have the energy to find someone else to do the job for you.

Sex after marriage can grow monotonous and drab. Do not fall for “we were meant for each other business”. If the spirit revealed your spouse to you, then by all means work with the spirit to keep your spouse with you always! Restaurant business is serious business, but if you approach it with the diligence of an entrepreneur and do your business right, you will keep the customer returning.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on June 22, 2012 in Relationships, Sex and Marriage