Niyi looks at the DM he just got and his heart sinks. He is quite disappointed in Yemi. These days, disappointed is his default mode over people and things that happen on Twitter. How could she have acted like she is so close to someone she never even met? She did not know that Osi is a girl nor does she even know anyone else that knows her. Niyi remembers the outpouring of love during Osi’s last birthday. The entire TL was awash with how he had touched their lives and how wonderful a person he is. Yet, they didn’t even know the first thing about him.
He tries John’s number again. Same message. He should not have allowed his emotions to overcrowd his thinking. He should not have walked out on Maria. Now he has no choice but to file away this matter like the two others before it; another of Twitter’s unsolved mysteries.
Victor walks into the bathroom. It is almost time for his date. The Nigerien guys had said he should take the mixture about an hour before showtime. They would first have dinner before heading to the hotel room, so he would take it at dinner.
He turns on the shower and turns his face to it. He groans lightly as the water runs from his head down through his back. The weather has been hot these days and the water is lukewarm, just how he likes it. He turns his back to the shower so the water hits the back of his head and his eye is drawn to his penis. Maybe I should enlarge it, he thinks to himself. His penis is not that small but each time he looks at it, he is reminded of a sausage, a Bochwurst sausage. He rinses out his body and steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a large white towel as if trying to compensate for his size.
He begins to get dressed. It suddenly occurs to him that Nasir had not returned his call. I should tweet that he is dead, that will bring him out from hiding. He sits at the edge of the bed and picks up his phone. He decides to read through his TL before he sends his own tweet. Maybe he is dead for real. The first tweet he sees sends shock waves down his spine. Someone is congratulating Wale on making the list of the Presidential Social Media Team. There is a Presidential Social Media Team? He scrolls down faster and sees the full list. How could this make the news and he didn’t get the Press Release? Unless someone deliberately didn’t want him to. Nasir! He goes through the list of PSMT members and none of the top four Social Leaguers were in it. He calms down. The conspiracy didn’t come from the top. It couldn’t have anyway. The four of them are bound by something stronger than blood. You don’t conspire against someone that can destroy you on a whim. And The Maestro had ensured they all had something on one another they didn’t want the world to know about.
He has to reach Etim. He and Etim have been left in charge. Shehu is working with one of the Governors in the North Central and Oyin is working as an aide to the Minister of Communication. Etim is the only one among them who has a thriving business. He runs a tech company that creates apps on demand and trains coders.
Victor sends Etim a DM. He remembers when they were invited to meet The Maestro in Abuja. The Maestro was working towards being President in eight years but needed to control the social media narrative to favour himself and his sponsors. The Maestro knew how important social media would be in shaping narratives. He was like the man who saw the future. Victor had been surprised to see Etim show up as the forth intern. He didn’t think he had any business being there.
Victor looks at his phone screen. Still no response from Etim. He scrolls to his contact list and finds his phone number. He hits send.
Etim looks at his phone screen as the notification comes in. A message from Victor. A frown automatically graces his face. So now he needs my help? Etim remembers the last time they all had collaborated on a project and Victor had stolen the entire social capital. He had vowed then that he would pay just as he vows now against those who decided to make a fool of him on Twitter. He glances at the Twitter trends and sees his name is no longer on the trend list. Finally after three days they had moved on. His only joy is that his wife is not on Twitter and no one had got it into their heads to send Akata’s blog post link to her. His name may not have been mentioned in the post but if all of Twitter knows it’s about him, it won’t have been hard for his wife to figure it out.
He makes to continue his conversation with his visitor but his phone begins to ring. Victor. He picks it.
“Hello Victor, my man!”
“You didn’t see my message?”
“Check your DM.”
Etim takes the time to check his DM and read it. He is aware that Victor could be simulating his movement and would know if he returned to the call too early.
“Wow! Etim finally exclaims. “What are you going to do?”
“Me or we?”
“You know I’m engrossed with planning this Twiga event…”
“You are still going ahead with that?”
“I can’t let them get away with making a fool of me.”
“Okay fine. But first I’m removing Wale from the WhatsApp group.”
“Are you sure that is wise? We don’t want splinter groups.”
“No we don’t. But Wale is a traitor.”
Victor speaks for a few more seconds and then ends the call.
Etim turns to his guest.
Wale sits up straight. Beads of sweat automatically run down his left armpit. He smacks at it like it’s a Zika carrying mosquito, using his shirt to wipe it.
“What should I do?” Wale asks, a slight tremor in his voice.
“Nothing,” Etim responds with a shrug. “He comes for you. You ignore him. Twitter has a few laughs at your expense but guess what, you are three million Naira richer.”
“Yes…” Wale says, thinking about the money. This is the richest he has ever been in his life.
“I should leave now.”
“Yes, I’ll be in touch.”
Wale walks out and Etim’s secretary enters immediately with the air freshener. Etim makes a mental note to talk to Wale about his body odour next time they meet. He had thought it was a one off thing the last time they met. The secretary leaves and Etim turns back to his computer. He is going to ensure The Twiga Games blows the other one out of existence. That will teach them a lesson never to trifle with him.
Victor puts a call through to Oyin and Shehu. They are both unaware of the PSMT. Shehu tells him to let it go. Oyin is too busy to discuss it. Victor is even angrier. How can that smelly nothing steal a contract I was already this close to getting? He looks at the time. If he doesn’t leave now, he will miss his date. He doesn’t want to go but it has taken him too long to set up this date to let let it slip by. He finishes up with his dressing and hurries out.
Victor opens the door to the hotel room. She walks in ahead of him. She isn’t what he had expected. She has a pretty face but nothing like all the photos she has been posting on IG. Plus she is an A cup.
Dinner had happened without incidence. They had talked about people on Twitter and she had laughed about the overlord who had been caught in adultery. Victor wanted to laugh too but he felt he it would be disloyal to Etim so he had quickly changed the topic. It was when he was about to take his drink that he remembered he had left the mixture seated at the table in the middle of his room.
“I didn’t think we’d come here to look at each other.”
Victor can tell she is horny. She had taken some alcohol during dinner but that alone did not account for the glazed look in her eyes. Victor moves closer to her but his penis backs down. He holds her and begins to kiss her on the lips. She opens her mouth to receive him and their teeth knock into each other.
“I’m sorry,” he says dodging the hands that seek his manhood.
She pulls away from him and looks into his face.
“Is something wrong?”
He tries to keep the guilt out of his voice.
“Why won’t you let me touch you?”
“Unbuckle your trousers…” she says moving towards him.
“No!” Victor almost screams, backing away. “Let’s take this slow.”
“I mean, it should be foreplay before we get it on? Right?”
This is the most awkwardly unromantic question she can remember being asked in all her sexual life and she has no idea how to answer.
He pulls her close and begins to run his hands over her breast trying in vain to locate her nipples. He ends up pinching the skin of her breast instead. She jumps off the bed.
“I think I want to leave now, ” she says firmly.
” But… ”
“Now!” She repeats more emphatically.
“Alright,” he says, rising.
He opens the door. “Sorry, it didn’t work out.”
She walks out leaving the echoes of a long hiss behind.
Victor falls back on to the bed. His penis is still floppy. He has to do something about his sex life. The buzzing of his phone steals his attention. Incoming Akata. He feels the beginnings of the rush of blood down there. Akata’s is the only woman who has this effect on him. Each time he sees her call he imagines her full lips closing in on his penis and his hands playing with the peak of her bouncy breasts. He had been close to living that dream…once. He takes the call and begins to listen to her. The more he listens the harder he becomes. He absentmindedly begins to stroke his penis. When they were done talking, he had reached a climax. He gets off the bed and gets a tissue to clean himself. He forgets Wale briefly as he focuses on his new assignment. He is going to ensure that Nasir loses his job.
(Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)