It was Craig David who sang ”
I’m walking away from the troubles in my life. I’m walking away oh to find a better day”. A pointer to the fact that you don’t always have to sit tight and endure something that could kill you in other to prove that you can.
This post is not directed at people who are ready to run at the first signs of trouble. Those are a different specie and need a prayer of stay-at-itiveness, rather it is for those who have been on the hustle of remaining and want to continue staying but are worried if it is all a waste.
First off, let me say that as long as man cannot tell the future (and I use the term man loosely in this instance to also mean woman) there is no way of telling for a certainty whether ones endurance will yield the desired results. All we have sometimes is our survival instincts and our threshold.
Our survival instincts tell us when something threatening is headed our way. For some, this instinct is very sharp, they can smell trouble from way off. Others allow their instincts to go blunt. For instance, a lady -desperate to get into a relationship that will lead to marriage- meets a guy and without conducting ‘due dilligence’ gets into a relationship with him. He proposes, fire alarms go off in her head – mostly negative- but she chooses to believe this is for real. The first couple of months after the realities of marriage hit her, she finds she should have listened to her survival instincts.
While dating, love and relationships is a sweet place to be in, we should never forget how sour everything can quickly turn if we are there with the ‘wrong’ person. For this reason, we should never ignore any nagging feelings we are having about someone we are involved with. Even if the person is sincere, our feelings can get in the way of a great relationship.
If we ignore our survival instincts and do get into a relationship, all we will be left with is our threshold. Let me explain something about the word ‘threshold’. If you notice on the floor of doors there is “a piece of wood, metal, or stone that forms the bottom of a door and that you walk over as you enter a room or building”, that piece is the threshold. It is that point that if you cross it signals that you have entered the building as opposed to standing outside.
Each of us has a threshold. That point that if we cross it, or are pressured into crossing, we will be going beyond our limits. We need to know our limits as should our partner lest we commit physical or psychology murder.
My stand is that whatever pushes you beyond your threshold is not worth fighting for. Walk away.
A man or woman who physically or psychologically abuses others, always using emotional blackmail to try to get them to do their bidding is not worth fighting for.
A man or woman who is a serial cheat, no matter how often they return to cry and beg for forgiveness will always cheat, they are not worth fighting for.
A man or woman who refuses to pitch in, to contribute their own quota in the building of the relationship either emotionally or financially, is not worth fighting for.
A man or woman who has lied to you so often that when s/he say ‘good morning’ you have to check your time to confirm has lost your trust and is not worth fighting for
What you choose to do when you discover you have reached your threshold is your business and I won’t even judge anyone who stays. But, for those who choose to leave do not let the world make you feel you are the one who is disloyal. Anyone who pushes you to your threshold is not worth the fight…Walk away while you still can.
P.s. the second installment of this piece will deal with women who choose to walk away and how they can cope.