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Monthly Archives: November 2014

When it is time to walk away

It was Craig David who sang ”
I’m walking away from the troubles in my life. I’m walking away oh to find a better day”. A pointer to the fact that you don’t always have to sit tight and endure something that could kill you in other to prove that you can.

This post is not directed at people who are ready to run at the first signs of trouble. Those are a different specie and need a prayer of stay-at-itiveness, rather it is for those who have been on the hustle of remaining and want to continue staying but are worried if it is all a waste.

First off, let me say that as long as man cannot tell the future (and I use the term man loosely in this instance to also mean woman) there is no way of telling for a certainty whether ones endurance will yield the desired results. All we have sometimes is our survival instincts and our threshold.

Our survival instincts tell us when something threatening is headed our way. For some, this instinct is very sharp, they can smell trouble from way off. Others allow their instincts to go blunt. For instance, a lady -desperate to get into a relationship that will lead to marriage- meets a guy and without conducting ‘due dilligence’ gets into a relationship with him. He proposes, fire alarms go off in her head – mostly negative- but she chooses to believe this is for real. The first couple of months after the realities of marriage hit her, she finds she should have listened to her survival instincts.

While dating, love and relationships is a sweet place to be in, we should never forget how sour everything can quickly turn if we are there with the ‘wrong’ person. For this reason, we should never ignore any nagging feelings we are having about someone we are involved with. Even if the person is sincere, our feelings can get in the way of a great relationship.

If we ignore our survival instincts and do get into a relationship, all we will be left with is our threshold. Let me explain something about the word ‘threshold’. If you notice on the floor of doors there is “a piece of wood, metal, or stone that forms the bottom of a door and that you walk over as you enter a room or building”, that piece is the threshold. It is that point that if you cross it signals that you have entered the building as opposed to standing outside.

Each of us has a threshold. That point that if we cross it, or are pressured into crossing, we will be going beyond our limits. We need to know our limits as should our partner lest we commit physical or psychology murder.

My stand is that whatever pushes you beyond your threshold is not worth fighting for. Walk away.

A man or woman who physically or psychologically abuses others, always using emotional blackmail to try to get them to do their bidding is not worth fighting for.

A man or woman who is a serial cheat, no matter how often they return to cry and beg for forgiveness will always cheat, they are not worth fighting for.

A man or woman who refuses to pitch in, to contribute their own quota in the building of the relationship either emotionally or financially, is not worth fighting for.

A man or woman who has lied to you so often that when s/he say ‘good morning’ you have to check your time to confirm has lost your trust and is not worth fighting for

What you choose to do when you discover you have reached your threshold is your business and I won’t even judge anyone who stays. But, for those who choose to leave do not let the world make you feel you are the one who is disloyal. Anyone who pushes you to your threshold is not worth the fight…Walk away while you still can.

P.s. the second installment of this piece will deal with women who choose to walk away and how they can cope.

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Posted by on November 28, 2014 in Relationships

 

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The Things One Heard in Abia

The Things One Heard in Abia

The Abia State tour has come and gone but the note on trips remain.
One thing any one who went on the Abia  Tour will tell you is that the immediate past Commissioner of Information (He resigned a few days before our arrival to pursue his political career) who was our guide for most of the tour is a smart man. He almost made me lose a line of thought by subtly replacing the word ‘functioning’ with ‘functional’ when I asked about some classrooms in Isikwuato.

The trip was also an eye opener at another level. I got to see first hand how difficult it is for us to actually hide our alliances and how this is manifested in the type of questions we asked or didn’t.

I have compiled some comments, questions and retorts in an effort to bring you the behind the scenes of the Abia trip.

1. Money is an important part of governance and how much a state makes at the end of each month should to a large extent the level of development. The ‘Aba’ question arose from Day 1. Why was there no development in Aba, despite its being the commercial hub? The Commissioner in trying to say Aba was not exactly the commercial hub responded that the Aba man may sew his shirts in Aba but he travels to Lagos with his 20 shirts and sells them there and returns when the money is safely in his account. (*crickets) When further queried about what the state’s IGR is he responded “Do I look like the cashier or Auditor General to you?” (*sigh) In fairness to the Commissioner,it had been stated earlier that all questions involving budgeting and expenditure should be reserved for the meet with the governor. In fairness to the bloggers, some of them were not paying attention. As evidenced by this next encounter…

2. The State Government has relocated the Umuahia Main Market which, according to the Commissioner had existed from the 50s in the center of town. The market is being replaced by an Event Center(still er.  Under construction) . The market was moved to Ubani and in order to attract development  in that area, the government is building a housing estate there. So, the Commissioner explains to us that the roofs are colour coded so the estate managers will find it easier to allocate the houses. Immediately after this statement someone asks: so why do we have different colours of roofs?

3. Still on the market, someone asked if the governement calculated the social implications of moving a market that had been on existence from the 50’s to a new location. To which Commissioner goes: We might as well discuss the social implications of Fashola cleaning out Oshodi”. (What more can I say?)

4. The question of development in Aba was to arise again the next day after we visited a secondary school in Isikwuato and were told we would be taken to see the helipad which served as an aid to fighting insecurity in Aba. The  Commissioner made an interesting comment about security:  “Security issues are local and must be tackled locally.”

Then in discussing how the costs of insecurity affected development in Aba, he adds,
“When we were fighting insecurity in Aba, do you think we were going around with knockout?”

5. A highlight of the trip was a visit to the health facilities. From the way the Commissioner spoke of the facilities, you’d realise it is one of the bigger achievements of the administration. Day 1 we were taken to see the Specialist Center where they had both a dialysis centre and a specialist eye clinic. You can see some photos here

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Day 3 we were taken to the annex of the hospital where they have a 100 bed facility. ( Should I mention that someone actually asked how many beds were in the facility after the commissioner told us it was a 100-bed facility? I think I shouldn’t :|)

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One blogger was struck by the fact that there were no patients in the hospital and asked why to which the Commissioner responded “Because we are not sick yet.”

6. The need for government to cut down on workforce was again highlighted when the Governor noted during our meet with him that of the between 5.3 and 5.5 Billion allocation Abia gets from the Federal Government, 4.5Billion was spent paying wages every month. He also told us that Abia’s IGR is about 700 Million monthly.

7. People were not happy about how the Governor and his people were making it seem like the government of Orji Uzor Kalu never existed. The fact that the Governor and Commissioner were part of that administration didn’t help matters. Why are you speaking do badly about an administration you were part of, someone asked. The Commissioner responded, “When you are entering a bus do you ask who the driver is?”
The governor’s response was more classic: “I was part of government but I was not governor. You do what you are asked to do. I did my job deligently. That why I was Chief of Staff from 1999 to 2007.Others were sacked but I remained. If you don’t do what the governor says you will be sacked. I did not want to be sacked… Being Chief of Staff is not the same thing as being Governor”. (Amen)

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8. We drove to Aba, day 3 through the Umuahia-Aba road. And just before Ogbor Hill, the Commissioner stopped to explain some “hard truths” to us: “This the real Ogbor Hill”, he declared. ” Not the Ogbor hill of the people doing intellectual gymnastics on the internet”. And then turning to the road, he asks ” How many  roads in Lagos  do you know in Lagos that looks like this?”

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9. One can’t complain of the welcome we were given when we met with the governor. As he walked in he gave us a “how una dey” with a smile. And then the Commissioner gave us this: “Welcome our brothers on social media. Our brothers on Facebook . Our brothers on Twitter. Bloggers and counterbloggers. The anonymous and the real.”

10. One can’t help but mention the response the Governor gave when someone asked why he was speaking against the one who annointed him: “I was not annointed but democratically elected. I won the election while in jail. No one wants to be a bishop without a cathedral. You take the blame but not praise where you will be teleguided.”

Afters:
1. It needs to be said that the sheer number and irrelevance of some people one saw on this tour leaves a lot to be desired. While one has never been against these tours, there is a need to not turn it into a caricature by inviting people just because. (One may have been invited just because so one may be subbing oneself in this regard)

2. Abia has obviously received the short end of the stick as far as governance,is concerned. It is sad that after 23 years the State is yet to take off. The fact that places like government house and secretariat is yet to be built says a lot. Government is a continuum and in places where someone at least started something, another will not have to go redo it. That Abia is where it is now says a lot about a lack of foundation. Like the Governor himself admitted, if some of these projects started in 2007, they would have been completed now.

3. That the Governor admitted that governance only took off in 2011 says a lot. By their own admission only 2 years has been spent on real governance. So I shall join their arithmetic and score them below  25%.

4.Finally, there is a lot of framing going on in the news. On social media popular views prevail even when they are not necessarily true. Abia is very far from what Abians want it to be but it is not the stereotype that the average social media influencer would want you to accept.

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Someday, justice will be lifted up…but not today 😦

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2014 in General

 

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