When Love Goes Sour

04 Apr

At the onset of every relationship, both parties expect a happily ever after. You love and cherish this person that’s why you got into a relationship with them to start with.

But let’s accept this one reality: no matter how much you try there are some relationships that just won’t work. Even the scriptures say there cannot be a fellowship between light and darkness. Sometimes both parties are simply incompatibility. Incompatibility is a big word but its importance in relationships is even bigger. (Okay I read that somewhere)

These days some use the even more complex term irreconcilable differences to explain incompatibility. Simply put it is when you can’t find the basis of a continued relationship. Let me share some scenarios:

This guy wants to marry. He is scared of all the “wild  and free” Lagos girls so he goes to the village. After marriage he discovers that the girl wants sex everyday. He can’t cope.

A lady gets married and after marriage she discovers the man is impotent.

A guy who believes in saving for the rainy day ends up with a woman who is a spend rift.

A woman who loves her partner discovers that he loves his mother more and would revert to her in making all major decisions.

Either of the partners discovers their mate is a serial cheater.

All of the scenarios create compatibility issues. They become irreconcilable differences when both partners see no way of working around their issues. So what should the couple do if they can’t stay together?

Truth be told there are genuine reasons to end a relationship. The bible lists sexual immorality but also mentions that physical, emotional, psychological abuse are grounds for a separation.

When a marriage hits troubled waters, the ideal would be to keep working at the relationship until it is obvious it won’t work.

When marriage has not been contracted, depending on the level of the relationship, both parties should still work at resolving their differences. However, it is far better to end a courtship than to end a marriage.

When a relationship ends, it should be possible in an ideal situation for the two parties to sit together and like rational adults decide to go their separate ways in peace. It should be possible to separate on a friendly note. It would take a great deal of maturity on both sides to accomplish this.

But who am I kidding? Maturity in marriage is more if the exception than the rule. Which is why these days we have messy divorces and break ups with each partner trying to win against the other in the court of public opinion.

It is really sad when two people who at one time professed undying love for each other, begin to tear each other apart after a break up. It is even worse when such people begin to reveal each others confidential talk in a bid to get back at the other.

Just as in some relationships it is one party that feels hurt the more when things go south, you may find that one party is the one bad mouthing the other. Should the other party then join in and create more quagmire? Certainly not. They should simply be firmly resolved to be the bigger person. This of course is not easy, no one would hear bad things being said about them without feeling the need to retaliate. But it still is the better thing to do.

Contrary to popular opinion, it is not the one that does the most talking that feels the most hurt. You never know what people refuse to talk about. So people in general should be careful about commenting or taking sides when a relationship goes sour.

If your relationship ends, it is better, smarter to have your say in your heart, cut your losses and move on with your life.

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Posted by on April 4, 2014 in Relationships


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