Is It Wrong To Play Hard To Get?

24 Jan

If we were to borrow a leaf out of the animal kingdom book, then we will stop by and talk with the female crayfish. The female crayfish actually does the initial work of attracting the male and then when he comes after her, she puts up a resistance. Her act of aggression only stops when the male can flip her over to deposit his sperm on her underside 🙂

Now let’s apply that to a large percentage of human kind. The woman, by her physical appearance, manner and decorum gets the attention of the male folk, then he comes after her and she puts up a resistance. She wants him to prove that he really wants her. This behaviour is not unnatural and, I dare say, is not wrong either.

There is nothing wrong with playing hard to get. Especially if the opposite is being easy to get. You may have heard of that proverbial babe that gets handed down from one friend to another? The Yoruba speaking people in South West Nigeria have a word for her ‘animashahun’ which roughly translates ‘I will give to all that ask’.

There definitely is a measure of dignity attached to making it hard for a guy to come after you and do the chase. One of which is the fact that it makes the guy see you as a prize worth fighting for. I know some people will cringe as being thought of as a prize so maybe we can substitute that with a treasure worth finding (Feel better?).

It should go without saying that playing hard to get is a weapon you should only use if you are interested in a guy. if you absolutely do not want to be in a relationship with a guy, there is no need to lead him on. That would be cruel. One of the ways of leading a guy on is accepting gifts from him. I have heard the school of thought that says if a guy gives, why shouldn’t I take? Personally, I think this is just greed in action.

Let’s look at it this way, someone has come to your office seeking a contract. There are other people bidding for the same contract and you are in a position to influence who gets it. However, you will like the best contractor to get the job. Will it be okay for you to accept cash gifts from one of the contractors before the contract is awarded even if he tells you he is just giving you the gift with no strings attached? My people say, he that does not want to laugh should not show their teeth.

But what of you want to show your teeth? What if you really like someone and you would want to be sure they will go the long haul for you. This is where it gets a little tricky. Some have suggested testing them by putting some hurdles before them. Again there is nothing essentially wrong with this. Just remember, that with evil God does not test anyone. So it would be wise to follow this example.

Yet, some ladies have gone totally overboard with playing hard to get. For example, there is nothing wrong with making yourself unavailable sometimes, saying you are busy when you really are not. But what would you say about setting him up with your friend just to be sure he doesn’t have eyes for anyone else?

There is also a difference between harmlessly flirting with other guys so he knows you are in demand and actually going into a relationship with someone else to see if he will still want you or he will come fighting for you.

And what about the difference between having a warm conversation that shows you just might be open to something deeper and cold caustic remarks that say, ‘stay away from me, I bite’.

Balance is key.

Note though, that it is not only ladies that play hard to get these days. Some men, act just like the male antelop, they expect the woman to come after them. My opinion? Totally not worth the trouble. Except of course you are a feminist or something like that and wouldn’t mind being the one doing the pursuing. I mean, there are women who actually want to be the ones driving a relationship. If that will make you happy, knock yourself out! But don’t forget that the foundation you lay at the start of a relationship is what you will build on. So before you go pursuing a guy, be prepared to take the lead whenever he can’t.

Let’s not forget though that playing hard to get is something you do BEFORE the relationship starts. Once you have said ‘yes’, your energies should be channelled towards making the relationship work and not constantly wanting him to prove that he really wants you.

So what do you think, is there anything wrong with playing hard to get?


Posted by on January 24, 2014 in General


8 responses to “Is It Wrong To Play Hard To Get?

  1. Tomisin Ajiboye

    January 24, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Playing hard to get for some ladies is just for the sake of showing ‘I am not cheap to get’. I don’t see anything wrong with it if she knows when to stop.

    But I have never experienced it before though. Not like I have ladies fall at my feet, certainly not. But all my relationships has been with my friends. We become friends, take interest and fall in love. Much easier for both of us. No woeing, no playing hard to get.

    • anagail

      January 24, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      This sounds like turn by turn falling in love with friends. LOL. I get your point though.

  2. emelekude

    January 25, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    I try as much as I can to live a simple life. I really don’t have the time to be chasing after someone who is throwing up one hurdle after another all in the name of playing hard to get.
    Why? You may ask. Cuz it doesn’t achieve anything. Playing hard to get doesn’t in any way mean the guy will value you. History proves it.
    Except if its just the play, then I too can play a ‘hard to want’ on you… I guess thats why they call people ‘players’….

    • anagail

      January 25, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Quick question: Are you married or do you have a girlfriend? And did she say yes first time you asked.

      • emelekude

        January 25, 2014 at 6:56 pm

        I’m not married yet and yes, I did have a girlfriend but we started off as friends first.
        I can only date a friend. So if I meet a girl, I get 2 become friends with her, know her more before we take the next step….
        Ummmm…. What if I add that girls make the FIRST move on me? I’m not conceited tho….

      • anagail

        January 25, 2014 at 7:01 pm

        Na, you are not. Thanks for the info though

  3. Ofoegbu

    December 20, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    wow.. This is infact, the best article i have ever read this year.
    With a simple English that even a primary school child can understand. You explained this hard to get of a thing.
    Anable, I want to know if you offer relationship counselling. Do you?

    • anagail

      December 22, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      Actually, I do but not on a professional basis.


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