So I have been thinking of this scenario. Allow me to paint this picture in a few words. Perhaps you will see that it is a scenario you have been in, or experienced.
So you have this friend and you have been good friends. Let’s label this friend A. Then your friend has this other friend and they too have been close. Let’s label this friend B. Now ordinarily, your friends friend should be your friend, right? Now, let’s throw in the fact that friend B has done something that hurt you so deeply such that even though you have forgiven him, you still need time to heal. Would you like friend A to continue being friends with B while remaining your friend?
The issue of divided loyalty is as old as man. Adam and Eve were God’s friends until they listened to the devil. It was not possible for them to be God’s friend and the devils friend at the same time.Later Jesus would say, you cannot be a slave of God and of riches. So really, at what point would loyalty force you to cut off friendship with someone who is not a friend of your friend?
Granted, no one has a right to legislate for another who he or she should be friends with. Asking your friend to stop being friends with another simply because you both had a falling out can be seen by some as petty. Yet, there are instances where common sense dictates that you should limit your association with someone who is not friends with your friend. It really is a question of who is more important to you. I’m always talking about scale of preference. It comes down to: who is more of my friend among this two?
Some time ago, I had an altercation with someone on Twitter, before I could say Jack Robinson, three of this person’s friends had unfollowed me. At first, I felt bad about it. But upon giving it thought I realised that they did what they had to do. Obviously, a friendship with me wasn’t so high on their priority scale. So they took the side that most favoured them. They were loyal to their own person.
You may think that they did an immature thing. You may be one of those who think you can be friends with two people who do not see eye to eye because you are the bigger person. But really, I do not think it is possible for you to be very close to two people who are constantly antagonising each other. At some point, they will both wear you out. The question: whose side are you on will be a constant refrain.
But, what if you are in love with one of the parties. Let’s say your spouse has an issue with someone who let’s say has insulted them and refuses to apologise. If you and your spouse are really one can you conscientiously continue to fraternise with this person? What if for whatever reason your spouse tells you he/she does not like your association with someone, whose side will you take?
Of course, every situation is different and we cannot rule out the fact that the demands of a spouse may seem unreasonable. But, when you really think of it, does it not come down to the question: who is higher in your scale of preference?
Let’s throw in social media at this point. Should you continue to tweet at, retweet, follow or share with someone who through his actions has shown he has no regards for your mate. Should this be seen as maturity?
Remember, love does not look for its own interests but seeks the interests of the other. Of course, you can say it cuts both ways. You may say, if I am seeking your interests I should be able to realise that remaining friends with this person is important to you. But again, realise that if I have asked that you stop being friends with someone, it is actually in your interest. Would you be happy if I kept the feelings to myself and allowed it to fester until it leads to bigger problems?
So, should you really remain friends with someone if it is upsetting to your mate? Please share your views with me:)