I had a very interesting evening with.a friend yesterday. In the course of the evening our discussion focused on what would attract a man to a woman. I think if World War Ill would be started by humans, it would be because men and women were locked in a room to.compare notes on what either party felt the other party wanted from the other in a serious relationship.
While growing up, I had convinced myself that my looks were not my strongest point. Maybe this feeling was fueled by the fact that I have two fair skinned sisters, one older and one younger, so I was literally the ‘black sheep’. Secondly, I have always had ‘big bones’ so I was can’t ever remember being model slim. Anyway, I believed that if I was ever going to find a guy, I had to build on other ‘virtues’. I had a good head, and I read somewhere that men were interested in ladies who could hold intelligent conversations with them. This was long before I learnt the word ‘sapiosexuals’.
So, I took it upon myself to get schooled on stuff men always liked to talk about; mainly sports and politics, and well, I became one of the boys…literally. Most of my friends from secondary school were guys who dared enough to engage me in conversation. The fact that my spoken English was above par and my analytical skills were beyond their level generally did not help matters. I was slowly building an intelligent Frankenstein that basically came in handy when a handful of guys I knew wanted to resolve some study or work related issue. The few guys I dated complained about my being too much of man.
Somewhere in the midst of all this confusion, I learnt a basic truth which my friend confirmed yesterday. A truth I wished I had learned back when I was in my teens. A truth which was right in front of me all the time. In the Bible book of Genesis, God put it this way: It is not good for the man to continue alone, so I am going to make a helper for him as a complement of him.
A woman is supposed to complete a man. In other words, she is supposed to bring to the table what a man does not already have. One of the major differences between a man and a woman is in their physical make up. Have you listened to man, even the geeks and nerds, describe what they want in a woman? Do you realise that they first talk about physical features? They talk about how well endowed she should be. So much so that you can describe a guy based on the physical features he likes in a woman. Some will say they can’t date a lady who doesn’t have a full bosom while others would say their lady must have full bottoms. Of course there are people who do not fall into these two classes. Like those who say she must have an hour glass figure. Have you watched men react to the Calabar Festival or sat in their midst while they watched a beauty contest?
It took me sometime to realise that the need for intelligent conversations as the ultimate thing most men required in a relationship was really a myth that intelligent women created to make themselves happy. At the end of the day, no man actually wants to marry his fellow man. Most men want a woman who can cook, clean, decorate and maintain a home, have children and take care of them and generally be the woman in a relationship. They want a complement. If they wanted, say, a competitor they would remain single and hang out with the boys whenever they are able.
So, if I ever have a daughter, what advice would I give them growing up? Be a girl. Develop and enhance your feminine side. You may not be Miss Nigeria, but be confident in your own skin. Carry yourself with dignity and never forget that you are a lady and no one should expect you to be anything else. Take care of your skin and hair. Wear clothes that enhance your femininity. Always use your head. There is nothing that beats a combination of beauty and brains.
And of course, sapiosexuality is a very relative word. Never ever believe that the average man would ignore a woman with beauty and brains in favour of one who has brains only. And if you work to develop only one of the above you are sadly only half way there. When it comes down to it, a man wants a woman who can function both in the bedroom and the boardroom.