I guess as the earth rotates on its axis and day becomes night, people fall in and out of love. For those who are lucky, the experimentation happens when they are still young between their teens and early 20s. There are late starters though. First relationship happening in their 20s or those who marry very early (often forced into marriage) and many years tears later they realise they cant take it any more and want out.
So you find yourself, late 30’s to early 40’s female and thrown into the dating scene. First, let me say you may feel like a fish out of water (well, you probably have never been a fish so you don’t know what it means to be out of water so let’s throw out that saying and replace it with something more…er…human. Say, a (wo)man out of oxygen). Two things, you either decide to make do with the little oxygen you have until it runs out and you die or you venture out in search of more and well, maybe you will die trying too but death is death so either way you die. (okay, I have no idea what I just said)
Back to the matter of dating again…
I read a research recently which says that people who got a divorce out of their first marriage were more likely to divorce again…and again. Well, I wont even argue the authenticity or not of this finding. Perhaps in an effort not to make the mistake of the first coming people tend to make the same mistakes, you know like how a child who works all his life not to turn out like his father and turns out to be exact replica of his father.
This post is technically not about choosing the right person in your second coming, but more about why you should even decide on a second coming in the first place.
You know what they say: You can not really long for something you never had. If you do not know what ‘afang’ ( a popular dish among South Eastern Nigerians) soup tastes like, you cannot wake up one day and start craving ‘afang’. I think the same goes with relationships (It can certainly be argued that some can be as sweet as afang soup but really there is more to this than just the taste of the soup). That you have been in a relationship for any stretch of time even it was a bad relationship (except if you were so badly damaged that you have become an unfeeling, emotionally unavailable humanoid) then you will miss the relationship.
What are the symptoms that show you need to start dating again:
1. You lie down at night surrounded by your pillows and all you want is a human body beside you.
2. You feel so lonely at night that you just wish there was someone to wake and share your pain with.
3. You are cooking in the kitchen and you find yourself talking to the ingredients and cutlery.
4. You are watching a hilarious comedy and you switch from laughing at a joke to crying at yourself.
5. You try to avoid events where couples will be present.
The list is definitely not exhaustive. But, if you find yourself displaying one or all of these symptoms then it means you really should find a cure…Date again!
You will soon notice however that your dating skills may have become atrophied (if you had any to start with)when you decide to date again.You may also find it harder depending on your looks and disposition, to find people your age who are interested in anything other than fucking relationship (do excuse my French, though I meant that literally). Yet, it is always better to be selective than to settle. Making yourself available might just be the first step.
Dress and act age appropriately. It will not help your cause to try to dress like a teenager when you are 30.
Do not stay stuck up in your house and expect love to come find you (I don’t even think that happens in the movies any more) Find opportunities to mingle. Yet, like someone jokingly said : ‘Do not wear a bold “I AM AVAILABLE” sign on your forehead. Huge turn off.
Dating again has it’s challenges. There are those moments while dating someone new that you begin to wonder if you are not simply reliving your last dating experience. There are other times when you may feel your love life is jinxed. Oh, and there will be moments when all you want to do is run out of the ‘house’ screaming. But rest assured, thousands have gone through the same route, thousands more will. You never walk alone. And if the second time doesn’t work out, the third time may be a charm and if you live to see it, maybe the third or forth. (Kidding!)