Most people have a thing for the past. Some memory that they just hold on to and won’t let go. Often, you will hear people reminisce about a time when things were better. For many, this attitude creeps into their personal life.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about a phenomenon I refered to as ‘relationship limbo’. I was thinking about a feedback I got on that post this morning, when a scripture floated into my mind and I saw the need to share especially as I felt it can be applied to relationships.
Remember the wife of Lot.
For those not farmiliar with the bible story. Lot was a nephew of Abraham and God asked him to take his family out of the city of Sodom as He was going to destroy the land. They were instructed not to look back as they fled to the mountains. The Genesis account however tells us that Lot’s wife went looking back and she became a pillar of salt. 😦
Lot’s wife looked back. She longed for the things left behind and she paid for her actions by losing her life.
When it comes to failed relationships, there is a lot wrong with looking back. We may not literally lose our lives like Lot’s wife, but we can lose out on living in the present because we are stuck in longing for a past we can never get back. Think about it. Is there anything we can do to bring back the past no matter how fantastic the memories are? We can only live one moment once. If we cannot bring back great moments, then we should be assured that we cannot change unpleasant pasts either. No amount of wishing can change the past. As a friend told me recently, if you have made mistakes in the past, the best you can do is forgive yourself and move on.
Indeed, we may not become a pillar of salt for looking longingly behind, but we can be forever be stuck at a point unable to summon the courage to move because we keep hoping that the past will come back to us. I have seen people who will not date someone else because they were hurt by someone in the past. Can you see how such people have become like a pillar of salt? I have also seen people who after deciding to date other people cannot seem to get over the fact that they have been hurt. They, in fact, keep searching for their past in the present relationship. Whatever their present partner does, they keep seeing the failings of their past partner(s) in them. Do you not think such people need help in breaking out of their pillar of salt?
There are also those who broke off a relationship for very good reasons but the fear of being alone forces them to look back like Lot’s wife. Have you not seen women who suffered physical, mental and emotional abuse from a man and everyone can see he is not good for them and still after moving out of the house again and again, they keep going back? Why do you think they keep going back? In the process some have literally lost their lives. There are also men who are well aware that a woman is bad for them but monophobia is keeping them in bondage.
Remember the wife of Lot.
As we go through life and relationships, we will hurt people and other people will hurt us. There are very few if any on earth that did not go through some form of hurt in relationships. Lot’s wife’s example is there to tell is that most times the best thing to do is to move on no matter how difficult it may seem. Or as another friend put it, ‘fail forward’. For indeed, there is nothing wrong with failing but there is something wrong with holding on to a failed venture. Failing forward entails that you cut your loses, learn your lessons and move on.
When you really think of it, are relationships not like a business venture?