Let’s face it. We all have been there, are there or will be there. That state when you are neither here nor there. You want to move ahead but you cant seem to be able to find your way, you want to go back and you know it’s not the best for you. So, you are just there.
Robin the frog puts it this way
Half way down the stairs is the stair where I sit
There isn’t any other stair quite like it.
I’m not at the bottom, I’m not at the top
So this is the stair where I always stop
Half way up the stair isn’t up and isn’t down
It isn’t in the nursery, it isn’t in the town
And all sorts of funny thoughts run round my head
It isn’t really anywhere, it’s somewhere else instead
(Watch full video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPhuafy0G3I )
You have just walked out of a relationship that you know was really bad for you. You believe you are over it and it is time to move on. Yet, each time you meet someone new and you say to yourself, it is time you can’t seem to commit. You dance around at the periphery unable and unwilling to take a plunge. It is as if your leg has been tied to a stone by BurnaBoy’s enemies and you cant move even if you wanted to. At some point, you may even begin to question your own sanity. It may just be that there is something wrong with you. And then when you finally take the step and enter another relationship it ends up failing. At this point you may feel that maybe the best thing to do is to just stay away from everyone. Perhaps, you are one of those destined to never find love.
Here’s the thing. A relationship works when two people of the same mind are committed to making it work. If you find yourself in relationship limbo, one thing is sure : You have no one but yourself to blame for it. Yes, you might say you put in your bit, did everything you could but it is the other person that couldn’t commit or couldn’t handle you bla bla bla. Well, unless you bound hand and foot and deposited into a relationship that eventually failed, then you definitely have a dose of blame to share. For starters, you made the choice.
So after you step out of a failed relationship the best thing to do is to run an appraisal. Ask yourself, why did this relationship fail? And because sometimes we cannot see things about ourselves as clearly as others do, it might be a good idea to ask a friend to talk to you about why they think the relationship failed. Listen and take notes. For instance, were you so desperate to see the relationship work that you ignored clear warning signs like selfishness on the part of your partner? A friend who was not blinded by ‘love’ will point this out to you.
Next, ask yourself: What do I really want from the next relationship. As they say on Style: it is better to be selective than to settle. So make a list of your expectations. I should modify that: make a list of realistic expectations. For instance, it would be realistic to say I would want to date someone whose voice would be soothing (if you have a temper) but it would be pretty unrealistic to say I want to date a person who sounds exactly like XYZ(for obvious reasons).
Again ask yourself: what will I be contributing to this relationship. Another honest appraisal is necessary. Write down your strong points. If you are a woman for instance: are you industrious? can you cook and clean? Are you respectful? Do you understand what submission means? You may also need to recruit the help of a trusted friend who will candidly tell you the truth about you. If they point out shortcomings, be willing to work on them to make you a better person. Remember, it is easier to make changes because you want to than because your partner wants you to.
Let me say that relationship limbo is definitely not a good place to be. The good news is that many people who are enjoying happy relationships today have once been there. So take heart. If you are there right now, you can get out 🙂