RSS

Are You In Relationship Limbo?

25 Oct

Let’s face it. We all have been there, are there or will be there. That state when you are neither here nor there. You want to move ahead but you cant seem to be able to find your way, you want to go back and you know it’s not the best for you. So, you are just there.

Robin the frog puts it this way

Half way down the stairs is the stair where I sit
There isn’t any other stair quite like it.
I’m not at the bottom, I’m not at the top
So this is the stair where I always stop

Half way up the stair isn’t up and isn’t down
It isn’t in the nursery, it isn’t in the town
And all sorts of funny thoughts run round my head
It isn’t really anywhere, it’s somewhere else instead

(Watch full video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPhuafy0G3I )

Relationship limbo.

You have just walked out of a relationship that you know was really bad for you. You believe you are over it and it is time to move on. Yet, each time you meet someone new and you say to yourself, it is time you can’t seem to commit. You dance around at the periphery unable and unwilling to take a plunge. It is as if your leg has been tied to a stone by BurnaBoy’s enemies and you cant move even if you wanted to. At some point, you may even begin to question your own sanity. It may just be that there is something wrong with you. And then when you finally take the step and enter another relationship it ends up failing. At this point you may feel that maybe the best thing to do is to just stay away from everyone. Perhaps, you are one of those destined to never find love.

hugmate

Here’s the thing. A relationship works when two people of the same mind are committed to making it work. If you find yourself in relationship limbo, one thing is sure : You have no one but yourself to blame for it. Yes, you might say you put in your bit, did everything you could but it is the other person that couldn’t commit or couldn’t handle you bla bla bla. Well, unless you bound hand and foot and deposited into a relationship that eventually failed, then you definitely have a dose of blame to share. For starters, you made the choice.

So after you step out of a failed relationship the best thing to do is to run an appraisal. Ask yourself, why did this relationship fail? And because sometimes we cannot see things about ourselves as clearly as others do, it might be a good idea to ask a friend to talk to you about why they think the relationship failed. Listen and take notes. For instance, were you so desperate to see the relationship work that you ignored clear warning signs like selfishness on the part of your partner? A friend who was not blinded by ‘love’ will point this out to you.

Next, ask yourself: What do I really want from the next relationship. As they say on Style: it is better to be selective than to settle. So make a list of your expectations. I should modify that: make a list of realistic expectations. For instance, it would be realistic to say I would want to date someone whose voice would be soothing (if you have a temper) but it would be pretty unrealistic to say I want to date a person who sounds exactly like XYZ(for obvious reasons).

Again ask yourself: what will I be contributing to this relationship. Another honest appraisal is necessary. Write down your strong points. If you are a woman for instance: are you industrious? can you cook and clean? Are you respectful? Do you understand what submission means? You may also need to recruit the help of a trusted friend who will candidly tell you the truth about you. If they point out shortcomings, be willing to work on them to make you a better person. Remember, it is easier to make changes because you want to than because your partner wants you to.

Let me say that relationship limbo is definitely not a good place to be. The good news is that many people who are enjoying happy relationships today have once been there. So take heart. If you are there right now, you can get out 🙂

Advertisements
 
16 Comments

Posted by on October 25, 2013 in Relationships

 

Tags: ,

16 responses to “Are You In Relationship Limbo?

  1. famuyideolawale

    October 25, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    Okay, Abby just wrote my experience few months ago. I tell relationship limbo is the worst place to be especially for an indoor , non-social guy.

     
    • anagail

      October 25, 2013 at 7:21 pm

      😦

       
    • anagail

      October 26, 2013 at 7:43 am

      :(. It’s no good for anyone

       
  2. Lady of Wealth, Platinum Member 'siddon look' twitter

    October 25, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    😦

     
  3. Simon

    October 26, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Selfishness from a partner is what I can’t honestly handle, it follows me. But life is simple and I’m even simpler. These days it’s tit-for-tat for me, and for once I’m not talking about titties and tattoos.

     
    • anagail

      October 26, 2013 at 7:42 am

      Since you became an uncle, I see. Tit for tat. Hmmm

       
  4. 0latoxic

    October 26, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    *Sigh*

     
  5. Sylvia

    October 27, 2013 at 12:42 am

    This relationship limbo thing eh…
    Sometimes I think I should see a shrink

     
  6. Olufunmi

    October 27, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    *sigh* This relationship thing can be really tiring. It seems we pick up new traits from lessons learned from every relationship formed. Then somewhere along the line, it gets all muddled up. Games and hidden agendas make things less than easy. You’d be surprised what people have or do not have up their sleeves. I say, give the best you can without losing yourself in the process cos at the end of the day, #1 is the magic number. It’s just you.

     
    • anagail

      October 27, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      It’s takes two to be in a relationship but a three fold cord cannot be quickly torn in two

       
  7. Eriojeans

    December 17, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    It is really a state of mind. Leaving a past behind you. Seeing your partner as different being unique and nothing compare to your ex. That is where the dangers come in. In the end you are your own enemy. Re-discover yourself and convey it over. Wants, beliefs, desires almost like stock take where you want to be. It saved me from giving a break-up letter to my boyfriend. I have been carrying the letter for two months. Than I have teared it up. Changed my train of thought. The age difference is non existing.

     

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: