What life has taught me about relationships

20 Sep

I’m a sucker for true love. No, not the fairweather kind. And no not those happily ever afters you read about in romance novels that make you believe that the biggest problem is getting boy and girl to fall in love.

I believe in true love. The type that makes you go through the toughest times. The one that makes you stay when everyone else has given up. The type that holds your hand when you go through the storm and says it will be fine.

I believe in love. I know that sometimes love can hurt. The object that you invest in may turn around and bite you but you can sit together and talk about the bite and agree that it hurt but that the bite occured because you are both imperfect, prone to sin but that you are always ready to work things out. That something more important than love is a commitment to your partner and in the process of making things work.

Maybe I am just one given to realities or unrealites (depending on how you choose to look at it). A co-worker the other day said to me: “you think like a man”. Well, I don’t believe I think like a man, I just think like me and me (1) is rational, (2) would rather think practical than emotional responses and (3) would analyse until I figure out what would be the best solution to my problem. Maybe the three are intertwined; maybe that is what it means to think like a man.

A friend of mine once told me she thought her husband was cheating. I asked her what gave her the impression. She said she wasn’t even just thinking, she was sure. Again, I asked her what makes her sure. She said she had stumbled into a text message exchange between her and this girl and that the messages were quite explicit. My next question to her was: how did you stumble into the message? Alright, so she was snooping, she admited. Next question: why were you snooping?

Maybe, I am wrong but a guy who wants to cheat, will cheat. I don’t know if checking his phones, smelling his shirt, or allowing to imagination to go into an overdrive would stop a man who wants to cheat from cheating. In my books, those measures can only be counterproductive. Wouldn’t it really make the man think of more ingenious ways to hide his affairs from you?

In my books, the only way to “keep” your husband is to be a good wife. Keep the man happy and he will keep returning to you. (Okay this may not so QED, but its the basic) It follows that if you are the source of the man’s unhappiness, there are ladies out there who will be all too willing to help you 🙂

So, I hardly qualify as a marriage counsellor. Each person can only speak about what works for them and you can glean whatever you want out of it.

So I do believe in love. I also know that it takes a lot of work to make love work. If you are fortunate, you’ll meet and marry someone who is willing and able to work each day at making the relationship work with you. (It can’t be fun if you get the feeling that you are trying to make things work and your partner isn’t.) I also believe that it is okay to give up on love in certain circumstances.

My stand on relationships is: if possible, as far as it depends on you, make it work. Give it your 100% 🙂        

And Pharisees came up to him, intent on tempting him and saying: is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on every sort of ground? – Matt 19:3 NWT


Posted by on September 20, 2013 in Thirty-Eight


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8 responses to “What life has taught me about relationships

  1. Ivy

    September 21, 2013 at 12:26 am

    1 John 4 vs 18

    • anagail

      September 21, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      He that does not love, has not come to know God.

  2. famuyideolawale

    September 21, 2013 at 5:58 am


  3. highlandblue

    September 22, 2013 at 6:55 am

    I imagined you reading this out loud. Like you could take out the paragraphs on cheating and recite this on stage.

    The cheating thing is complex. It makes me sad. Even when you’re the best partner your spouse could still cheat for as flimsy a reason as enjoying the thrill of the chase. God help us

  4. abijah

    September 22, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Well said….my stand on relationships is,give in your best then hope your best is rewarded.

    • anagail

      September 22, 2013 at 10:13 am

      As it should be. Just as it should be.


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