I courted anger for years…these days we have a date once in a while. Its never a pretty sight. There are no whispers of sweet nothings, just a lot of screaming and abusive speech. And when we do make love, the orgasm leads to my almost bursting a brain fuse. We part and promise not to see each other again…till next time.
My dad used to say (he still does by the way) that my anger is just like my laughter. When I laugh, I throw my head back and let it bubble forth. People who hear me laugh, usually want me to laugh again and again (girl’s got to toot her own vuvuzela yo). When I’m angry, you really don’t want to be around me. and most importantly, you don’t want to be the one I’m angry at.
When I’m angry, it’s like I am possessed by a demon (There is actually a theory about the demon of anger) I tend to say things I would never have ordinarily said. Things I ultimately will regret.
I never actually realised how big my problem with anger was until I started dating. The first and second relationships ended very quickly. And when I started the third. it became apparent that I needed to do something about it.
I started reading, at first it was reading the bible and constantly praying about my anger issues. I must say that helped a lot. It helped especially because I realised I did have a problem. During the day, I would recite scriptures to myself such as : Let anger alone and leave rage, be slow about speaking, slow about wrath, it is a foolish man that gives way to his anger.
Yet, I realised that when I faced situations that brought out the anger in me, all the scriptures I had been storing, beat a hasty retreat. I would simply not remember any of them until the harm is done and then I was required to apologise.
I think the only good thing that has come out of my anger issues is how I have learnt to apologise. To be honest with myself, that did not come easy either. There was a time I needed a reason before I dish out ‘sorry’ to anyone. You had to explain why and then you’d probably almost have to pull it out of my mouth. But I decided one day that as a punishment to myself for always getting so angry that I say hurtful things, I would have to apologise once a person mentions they were hurt and even when they don’t and I sense it.But, apologies come far at the bottom rung while giving way to anger was way up there. So, what I really needed to do was to control my anger in the first place.
I started reading up books that would help with my problem. Mostly articles in the Awake magazine published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. I also found and read articles off the internet. I learnt practical things I could do to stop myself from talking when I’m angry. I learnt how to bite my tongue to stop myself from speaking, while counting loudly in my head to prevent me from hearing what the other person is saying which could make me want to respond.
I learnt how to to take in a deep breath before responding calmly “Can we please talk about this another time?”. I learnt how to simply walk away without saying anything. But most importantly, I learnt how to pray, right when I need help controlling my anger (I must say this is the hardest, because when I get angry, the last person I remember is God)
My battle with anger is an ongoing one. Like I said at the beginning of this article, we still go on dates from time to time. sometimes we make love, sometimes we don’t and the orgasms are getting fewer and far between, which I think is a good thing.
I am still hoping that someday, I will totally conquer anger, so that when he shows up at my door, no matter how sweet smelling the flowers he bears, I will have the courage to shut the door to his face 🙂
Do you have problems with anger too? Have you put it under your control? Please share how you are coping, I would really love to read from you.
Whoever controls his temper is better than a warrior, and anyone who has control of his spirit is better than someone who captures a city. – Prov 16: 32 ISV