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Anger

04 Sep

I courted anger for years…these days we have a date once in a while. Its never a pretty sight. There are no whispers of sweet nothings, just a lot of screaming and abusive speech. And when we do make love, the orgasm leads to my almost bursting a brain fuse. We part and promise not to see each other again…till next time.

My dad used to say (he still does by the way) that my anger is just like my laughter. When I laugh, I throw my head back and let it bubble forth. People who hear me laugh, usually want me to laugh again and again (girl’s got to toot her own vuvuzela yo). When I’m angry, you really don’t want to be around me. and most importantly, you don’t want to be the one I’m angry at.

When I’m angry, it’s like I am possessed by a demon (There is actually a theory about the demon of anger) I tend to say things I would never have ordinarily said. Things I ultimately will regret.

I never actually realised how big my problem with anger was until I started dating. The first and second relationships ended very quickly. And when I started the third. it became apparent that I needed to do something about it.

I started reading, at first it was reading the bible and constantly praying about my anger issues. I must say that helped a lot. It helped especially because I realised I did have a problem. During the day, I would recite scriptures to myself such as : Let anger alone and leave rage, be slow about speaking, slow about wrath, it is a foolish man that gives way to his anger.

Yet, I realised that when I faced situations that brought out the anger in me, all the scriptures I had been storing, beat a hasty retreat. I would simply not remember any of them until the harm is done and then I was required to apologise.

I think the only good thing that has come out of my anger issues is how I have learnt to apologise. To be honest with myself, that did not come easy either. There was a time I needed a reason before I dish out ‘sorry’ to anyone. You had to explain why and then you’d probably almost have to pull it out of my mouth. But I decided one day that as a punishment to myself for always getting so angry that I say hurtful things, I would have to apologise once a person mentions they were hurt and even when they don’t and I sense it.But, apologies come far at the bottom rung while giving way to anger was way up there. So, what I really needed to do was to control my anger in the first place.

I started reading up books that would help with my problem. Mostly articles in the Awake magazine published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. I also found and read articles off the internet. I learnt practical things I could do to stop myself from talking when I’m angry. I learnt how to bite my tongue to stop myself from speaking, while counting loudly in my head to prevent me from hearing what the other person is saying which could make me want to respond.

I learnt how to to take in a deep breath before responding calmly “Can we please talk about this another time?”. I learnt how to simply walk away without saying anything. But most importantly, I learnt how to pray, right when I need help controlling my anger (I must say this is the hardest, because when I get angry, the last person I remember is God)

My battle with anger is an ongoing one. Like I said at the beginning of this article, we still go on dates from time to time. sometimes we make love, sometimes we don’t and the orgasms are getting fewer and far between, which I think is a good thing.

I am still hoping that someday, I will totally conquer anger, so that when he shows up at my door, no matter how sweet smelling the flowers he bears, I will have the courage to shut the door to his face 🙂

Do you have problems with anger too? Have you put it under your control? Please share how you are coping, I would really love to read from you.

Whoever controls his temper is better than a warrior, and anyone who has control of his spirit is better than someone who captures a city. – Prov 16: 32 ISV

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14 Comments

Posted by on September 4, 2013 in Thirty-Eight

 

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14 responses to “Anger

  1. Okusaga Kehinde

    September 4, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    For my anger ….
    I drive for a while … listen to music or just smoke

     
    • anagail

      September 5, 2013 at 5:12 am

      LOL. I do listen to music but thats after the act.

       
      • Okusaga Kehinde

        September 5, 2013 at 1:00 pm

        Most times I don’t let the act happen

         
  2. famuyideolawale

    September 5, 2013 at 6:50 am

    Dear Abigail

    Growing up, I hear lots of complain about my anger, I mean virtually everyone I met after saying sweet things about we cap it with “wale, you know you get angry too easily” I started feeling ashamed. Then I decided to start reading about anger but the more I read, the more it seems people push my button. Until I read a place in the bible that “anger rest the bosom of fool…and oh fool why will you die before your time”. I can’t tell you how that really helped me. Whenever am getting angry, I tell myself, “ola, do be a fool, don’t die young”
    I also in most cases don’t talk when am angry. Most time I walk away from that scene and my latest discovery is going to shower if am home when am angry, because I love to sing in the shower.

    From olawale
    Member (Anger Support Group)

     
    • anagail

      September 5, 2013 at 7:22 am

      Thank you Wale, happy to know I am on the right path 🙂

       
  3. ABBA SALISU

    September 5, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    as class room teacher promoted to headteacher withn 35years my interest is to help juniour pupil with basic education.

     
  4. highlandblue

    September 6, 2013 at 7:52 am

    LOL I found that keeping fit helps with anger management. Weird but anger is very related to breath control and heart rate. And if these are under control, then violent outbursts can be controlled better.

    For the silent type, I think communication is key. Address matters as soon as they come up and don’t pile anything up. That’s like cutting the fuel from the fire. Even when the spark comes it simply will not have anything to combust. And then, ask questions to clarify before you explode. Many times we read meanings that were never intended and before we know it the train has gotten to Maiduguri before realizing it was meant for Lagos instead. Not only do you feel foolish at the simple misunderstanding, the things you’ve said already cannot be taken back.

    I hope this helped. Thanks for sharing your journey with anger with us.

    P.S. I didn’t talk about how pride is the root of anger because I think that is a topic for an entire other day

     
    • anagail

      September 6, 2013 at 8:08 am

      Yes it did. I’ve been exposed to the breath control thing esp chanting ‘om’, its quite therapeutic. And p.s. thanks foor not talking about the thing in your p.s LOL

       
  5. tianasagoh

    September 6, 2013 at 8:46 am

    It takes a lot (yet so little) to get me angry. And people hardly get there. Cuz I think for them – their ignorance or that they prolly didn’t mean any harm & let it pass. Luckily, I don’t have a violent side. When I was younger, I’d probably be upset, rant and then tears just gush from nowhere . LOL. Embarassing! Now, I just SMH at people who try to get me angry.

     
    • anagail

      September 6, 2013 at 9:06 am

      You are blessed sister 🙂

       
  6. Aarinolaoluwa

    September 6, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Anger…. Hmmmmm… Like you, the battle is ongoing…. 😦 I used to HATE apologizing too.now I consciously do it, whether the person deserves it or not.
    Unfortunately, Now, i’d rather keep quiet,than have to apologise later (I hear thats a bad thing) cos I bottle it all up and sometimes an innocent person recieves the ‘molten lava’. 😦 Music calms me down though or a looooong walk…. Or I recite ‘Anger lies in the bossom of a fool’ and tune off…Think about something happy.

     
    • anagail

      September 6, 2013 at 10:17 am

      Hmmm…Don’t bottle it up please 🙂

       
  7. Nwakaego

    November 7, 2013 at 12:00 am

    @highlandblue…thank you! And ma’am for this thought provoking article.

     
    • anagail

      November 7, 2013 at 7:31 am

      Thank you for reading.

       

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