Monthly Archives: November 2007

‘Jello’ Syndrome

There’s a certain air that greets the ‘christmas seaon’ in Nigeria…In the west its usually not-cool -not harsh-I-really-cant-put-a-finger -to-it-feeling but its there all the same. I can feel it now. I call it a just before harmattan season characterised by… well… indescribable and it gives me a feeling of…deja vu
February 14, 2007
I sat in a restaurant with a client. Shania Twain sang ‘You’re still the one’ with the usual gusto. Seated directly in front of me were two lovebirds- typical of the ‘air’- lost to the world around them . I tried to look away… I was supposed to be having a business meeting with a male client. Did I hear you say hmmm? I had no problems with that… I was a self assured thirty something year old female exec… there was no way a date on the calendar was going to affect my performance on the job.
I directed the client’s attention to a sample I had with me. ‘Our production will be much better than this, we have the quality and the hands to do it’… I looked up. The eyes mentally undressing me did not have business on its mind… He was having a ‘jello’ seizure… a major characteristic of the weak.

Feb 14… 1986
I had just turned 13. If you were 13 in 1986, you would know that you were at an age when you pretended you didn’t know what was celebrated on February 14. Even in 1986, I didn’t need a guy for Valentines Day… I went to the library like a good girl to borrow a good book and sitting on the shelf was a book I just could not resist. It was titled, ‘My Funny Valentine.’

Just in case you haven’t read the book, the paperback was about a young lady who was so pressured to have a Valentine that she went ahead and invented one… The girl in the story believed that girls had brains made of jelly that is why they literally melt when they see ‘cute’ guys and go all ‘soppy soppy’. I agreed with her.

Some two decades later… I don’t. My theory- and it has often been proved- is that as they get older, men are more prone to the ‘jello’ syndrome. That’s right…especially the tough looking ones. They all have a mighty ‘jello spot’. Somewhere close to their medulla oblongata (oops) Men get the ‘jello’ attack so often that they’ve christened it a man thing: ‘You mean you let her walk away, are you not a man?’ Give me a break!
Having problems with my theory…try answering these questions:
1. If a sexually active 70 year old man should loose his wife after 50 years of marriage, what is he likely to do if he survives the next two or three years?
2. If he chooses to remarry would he be looking for a fifty something year old widow?
3. If an irresistibly pretty belle walked past a guy on the streets, what is he likely to do?
4. If a guy ends up at the restaurant with a lady for whatever reason on Valentine’s Day, what is likely to happen?

Now guys, straight and truthful answers. In case you are still wondering, the likely answers are: remarry, no, ogle and chat her up… in that order.
My conclusion: men are weaker than the weaker sex
So what happened last Valentine’s Day?

Did you make the ‘hit’ on the first lady that came your way pledging undying love and all what not’s because your hormones were working overtime and the mood was right? And did you wake up the next day feeling ‘there’s no way I’m going to see her again!’ when she smiled at you from the other end of the office and did you proceed to rally your friends to ‘discharge’ her the next time she even attempted to talk to you?

Sounds juvenile doesn’t it? That’s the point… The older a man gets, the more juvenile he becomes.

Wouldn’t it have been better and emotionally safer to both parties if you had just produced a pack of condoms and ask for a one-nighter?

Now tell me who is the weaker sex?
Positively, men are weak.
Comparatively, men are weaker.
Superlatively, men are the weaker sex.
And if you don’t agree with me, try looking it from a woman’s point of view.

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Posted by on November 13, 2007 in Woman2man